Feeling safe :
Follow a Rogerian approach as a coach – what does that mean? Carl Rogers, an American psychologist Is considered a founder of the humanistic approach and widely considered one of the founding fathers of psychotherapy research. He developed the person-centered approach, that was Rogers's unique approach to understanding personality and human relationships, displaying unconditional positive regard. It makes the client feel safe, heard and valued. To do that the coach is non judgemental, instead suspends judgement, uses a voice and temperament that is slow, soft and gentle. Your tone and energy should have a calming effect then it automatically happens. Coach like in a conversation rather than doing Coaching.
As a coach, it is recommended remain in acceptance of your client, from you they borrow
their acceptance of themselves. Carl rogers – says a client when comes to you, does not believe
in themselves if you without saying ‘ I believe in you, give them the feeling I believe in you’..
The client then starts borrowing that belief and building on that belief.
Emotions are messengers of needs, which means that if your needs are met the emotions associated will go away. E.g. if you are feeling frustrated, what is a need that is not fulfilled that is making me feel frustrated. Maybe the need to be validated and acknowledged. Once the need to be acknowledged is addressed my frustration would go away. 3 principles of brain - where focus goes energy flows, what gets measured gets better, what gets rewarded gets repeated. What happens outside, impacts us inside, indeed!
Carl Rogers: famously talks of the concept of ‘Paradox of change’ – e.g. a client wants
to go to point B because they do not want to be in point A. Unless they accept where they are
in this case point A then delink from A only then can they move to Point B. Remain in acceptance of current state – says Carl Rogers. How many times our clients are buying into future state yet go back to patterned feelings and behaviours because of this lack of acceptance of their current state.
To summarize : Identity is hard to change. Client is fearful of falling from grace, fall of his existing identify and challenged in finding the new identity. Coach supports the client in doing that!
Here is one tip as a coach when managing your own emotions:
Instead of saying I am angry , I am sad - it makes it sound you are that emotion,
there is difference instead say I am noticing that I am feeling sad. You will feel and
experience a difference.