The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More; Change the Way You Lead Forever
by Michael Bungay Stanier
Michael Bungay Stanier's The Coaching Habit is a transformative guide that champions a simple yet profound shift in how we lead and interact: by "saying less and asking more." Instead of relying on the ingrained habit of offering advice, Stanier provides a practical framework built around seven powerful coaching questions designed to foster autonomy, critical thinking, and ownership in those we engage with.
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The brilliance of the book lies in its actionable approach, centered on these core inquiries that can be woven into everyday conversations. Each question serves a specific purpose in unlocking deeper insights and empowering individuals to find their own solutions.
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The conversation typically begins with "What's on your mind?", the Kickstart Question. This open-ended invitation immediately places the focus on the other person's priorities, signaling your intent to truly listen and support what's most important to them. It efficiently directs the discussion to the heart of the matter.
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Next, Stanier introduces the deceptively simple yet incredibly powerful AWE Question: "And what else?". He persuasively argues for its repeated use, as it prompts individuals to dig beyond their initial thoughts and often uncovers crucial additional layers, challenges, or insights that were not immediately apparent. This prevents premature problem-solving based on incomplete information.
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To move beyond surface-level issues, Stanier presents "What's the real challenge here for you?", the Focus Question. This encourages individuals to identify the core obstacle they are facing, separating the symptoms from the underlying problem. By pinpointing what is personally difficult or significant, the conversation becomes more targeted and effective.
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With the challenge identified, the Foundation Question, "What do you want?", shifts the focus towards desired outcomes. This question clarifies goals and provides a direction for progress. Whether applied to the overall situation or specific steps, it helps individuals articulate their aspirations and visualize success.
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Stanier then introduces the cleverly named Lazy Question: "How can I help?". This seemingly passive inquiry is remarkably empowering. By asking the other person to specify their needs, it prevents you from jumping in with assumptions and ensures that your support is truly valuable and targeted. It fosters ownership and encourages the individual to think critically about what they require.
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To encourage strategic thinking and a broader perspective, the book presents the Strategic Question: "If you say yes to this, what are you saying no to?". This prompts individuals to consider the trade-offs and opportunity costs associated with their decisions and commitments, leading to more thoughtful prioritization.
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Finally, to solidify learning and encourage self-reflection, Stanier introduces the Learning Question: "What was most useful for you?". Asked at the end of a conversation, this question prompts individuals to identify key takeaways and insights, reinforcing their learning and increasing the likelihood of future application.
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Throughout the book, Stanier masterfully weaves in relatable anecdotes and practical examples, illustrating how these seven questions can be applied in diverse professional and even personal settings. His writing style is engaging, direct, and often humorous, making the concepts accessible and memorable. He effectively highlights the pitfalls of advice-giving and champions the power of inquiry in fostering growth and independence.
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While primarily aimed at leaders, the principles of The Coaching Habit are universally applicable. Anyone seeking to enhance their communication skills, build stronger relationships, and empower those around them will find immense value in adopting these seven simple yet profound questions.
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In conclusion, The Coaching Habit is not just a book about coaching; it's a practical guide to transforming your interactions and fostering a culture of growth and empowerment. By mastering Michael Bungay Stanier's seven key questions, you can move beyond the trap of always having the answers and instead guide others to discover their own, leading to more effective communication, increased autonomy, and ultimately, better results.
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Reviewed by: Srinivasan Ramachandran